It is Christmas Eve, and I am sitting in my room completely aware of the fact that there about 20-30 people in my house right now that I could be hanging out with, drinking with, being merry with, and I have every intention of staying in my dark room avoiding every fucking one of them.  I am tired of my family, to an extent I cannot even fully explain.  All three of my brothers that are home cause me nothing but problems and I am weary of it.  They don't realize it but are continually ganging up on me for ridicule and judgment.  What may seem like playful jokes to them is really cutting comments and backstabbing jabs.  When I call them on it (as in ONE individual on a particular item), not just one will speak up, but all that are present attack me.  Then, if I accidentally make a slip that is foolish or hesitate for one moment, they are on me like African Army Ants, whose jaws remain closed on you after they have snapped shut.*

I find myself inviting friends to invite over who will get my back if things get out of hand with my family.  I dislike traveling anywhere in the car w/ them if someone else is not present.  I really hate the fact that Hotchy seems to be the only one of my friends that has escaped ridicule.  Not that I want him to have ridicule, but I want my other friends to be able to avoid it.  I don't mean to their face either.  I mean behind their back, actively trying to make their time w/ us more miserable so that they won't hang out with us anymore.  I cannot recall EVER doing that to a single one of my brothers' friends, though I did recommend to Ben that he stop hanging out with that stoner that got his car stuck on big rock in our neighbor's yard.

Needless to say, Alex and I had an encounter on Friday and I would like to voice a complaint.  I told him about something my father had said to me about him at Taco Cabana (will be included in another entry), and he proceeded to freak out and refuse to hear anymore.  Once I gave up on telling him, he wanted to hear the rest of the story.  What started as me asking for my brother's advice, ended in me really disliking talking to Alex at all.  Needless to say, Alex has since talked to my Dad and how much he dislikes our father talking about people behind their backs.  When Dad asked him what had set him off, Alex proceeded to just say that I had told him and then followed it with "You should know, but if you don't, then never mind."  All of which I heard from my Dad after I burst into tears this morning thanks to my brothers. 

Christmas Eve is my favorite holiday of the entire year followed closely by Halloween.  My favorite holiday of the year.  I guess I sort of deserve it after fucking up St. Patrick's Day for Robyn, but I just really am upset over this one.  The year that my Mom banned us from doing luminarias was always considered the worst for me.  Today topped it.  I stayed up with my friends till 5 am, who I somehow convinced to help me, in order to fold about 500 bags for today.  From when I woke up my brothers were complaining.  Mind you, Dominic folded 24 bags TOPS.  My other brothers folded none.  My dad folded two.  Anyway, it is our last year to put them up because my Dad refuses (as I found out 15 minutes after waking up this morning) to put up any at the new house.  Our last time to do it, and my brothers not only work as slowly as possible, but complain more than I thought was possible.  After I got so upset that I cried (due to lack of sleep and frustration with them), Dad went out side and the following conversation ensued (which Dominic thought was humorous enough to put up on his away message.  Typical):

Dad - "Be quiet Ben this is the last year we have to do this"
 
Ben - "OH so did the Jews enjoy the final day of the holocaust?"

I am so upset at them all.  Needless to say, the wind picked up, which they celebrated because it meant we could stop since it would most likely be impossible to light them later anyway.  After dealing with my brothers, Dad, and John for the rest of the afternoon, I found myself hoping that luminaries would be a no-go as well.  I didn’t want to spend anymore time with them and I really just didn’t want to light the luminarias because then possibly I would be able to forget this horrendous year and move on with my life.

I really don’t think I will be coming back next year if at all avoidable.  When home, I miss my roommate, my team, the feeling that I was actually worth something. 

The little things-

Such as Alex taking basically the most important blanket in our entire house to someone else’s house for the night. Or…..

Chewie being ignored and then giving me Hell for actually bringing her out and treating her like the rest of our dogs.

The point is, I didn’t take anymore of Dominic’s crap a few minutes ago and we got into it physically.  I got the typical bad looks like “you’re older, be more mature,” but I cannot handle his ass-hole-ish way of communicating any longer.   He keeps cutting into my sentences to present his judgment early.  I am so used to debaters actually giving each other the respect to finish an argument, but all rules are off here.

Anyway, that’s the extent of my ranting on the family from Christmas Eve.  I will speak more in the upcoming hours, hopefully.