So I have some lyrics that I found that sort of finally explain what I've been trying to say all along-
If I look away
Doesn't mean I don't see
And just because I want
Someone when I'm alone
Doesn't mean I'm helpless
That I can't stand on my own
How far can we go before we break?
How long can I wait?

The fact is, everyone judges me on the fact that I move quickly with my crushes, but I think you are all just wasting your time.  Someone is either going to work, or they aren't.  I actively figure it out, and move forward with my life.  You keep explaining it to me, telling me that I should be spending more time on one or taking a break from it.  I don't care what you say.  Losers take breaks.  Losers get more sleep.  Losers let people die while they wait around for something to come in their place and help them figure it out.  What we have now is what we have now, and if we don't work in the now, we get fucked in the future.

I spent this break really being unable to pour my soul out to my blog due to the readers that it has and it really kicked my ass. It came to the choice of- do I say what I mean and be mean in what I say or keep my friends and lose the emotional battle underneath.

Anyway, the fact is, the people I previously were telling everything to- Louie, Phil, Diane, John, Skog, Alexis, and my suitemates were benched due to the amount of contact I had with them.  Some, I realized, only were going to judge me no matter what because they had such a limited knowledge of me, despite my previous thoughts.  Some were separated by distance and time and I plan to dive back into it when I get back to Omaha.  Then there were the two who's relationships w/ me changed drastically on a very intimate and close to home way in the last month, who I am still trying to figure out how to communicate with.

I claimed I would never censor my blog but you have made liars of me.  From here on, no more censoring since I can't use basically any of you for advice.  I will assign pseudonyms for the people I write about, but I will write what I feel.